Posted on Monday, July 15, 2013 at 06:00 PM

Movie: Man of Steel

Man of Steel

Starring: Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Kevin Costner
Director: Zack Snyder
Running time: 143 minutes
Rated: PG

Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest - Man of Steel

So I saw Man of Steel this weekend. The fact that it has been out for a few weeks now meant that a review of it made no sense. But I did find many face palm moments in the movie that made me think it was time for another column pointing out how so many millions could be spent on things that make absolutely no sense. Spoilers litter the landscape ahead so if you have not seen the movie stop here. Let’s start!

1. Dumb - Science, we don’t care about science!

The movie opens up with Krypton about to explode and Jor-El yelling at the leaders for causing this by “harvesting the core”, whatever that means. It seems the people of Krypton needed energy and decided that drilling down to the core of the planet was the best way to achieve that.

This of course ignores the question why a super advanced civilization that has invented space faring hyperdrives would ever need to do something like that for energy. Even if we put aside fusion you still have solar power. By some estimates our own sun puts out enough energy to meet the power needs of the earth for 500,000 years! Surely Krypton doesn’t have that many air conditioners running.

That’s a bit like someone saying we’ve managed to create technology to fly in giant planes but if we need light at home we’re going to light up some torches soaked in animal fat.

2. Dumber - The Ultimate Warrior

One of the premises of the movie was that everyone on Krypton was born for a specific role. Apparently at birth you were designed to fulfill that role and got the training and genetic codes you needed to make you be the best mechanic/lawyer/garbage man you could be. This is mentioned a few times.

When Zod is kicking the snot out of Superman he takes a moment to talk about this again. You see Zod was bred to be a warrior. Everything that went into his creation and training was to make him the most awesome warrior he could be. He was like the Chuck Norris of Krypton.

This is all very impressive until you remember the first part of the movie where Jor-El fights Zod and pretty much takes his lunch money. Do you know what Jor-El was bred to become? The foremost scientist on Krypton. So while Zod is bragging about how awesome he is and stripping down to his underwear for no apparent reason, he conveniently forgets to mention that the number one nerd on Krypton slapped him around. So much for that breeding and training.

3. Dumbest - No one will ever know.

Part of the movie involves the big mystery around who this new Superman is. Luckily, Lois is on the job and tracks him down. She knows he is Clark Kent, his cover his blown. At the end of the movie though Superman decides he is going incognito and gets a job at the Daily Planet so he can keep tabs on where he might be needed in the world. To hide from people he is going to wear glasses so no one will ever guess who he really is.

I understand the comic books had Superman doing the same thing and it was kind of stupid then but let’s not forget that in the comics no one knew who Superman was in real life. In this movie it appears EVERYONE would know that Clark Kent is Superman.

First, Lois actually tracks him down to his house, where his mom lives. In one scene she even has the local police drive her to that house while he is there as Superman to tell him about the plan to save the world. Secondly you got a bunch of people that have seen Clark do incredible things over the years, you know, things only Superman could do. Then you have the fact that a giant fight takes place in Superman’s hometown, right in front of everyone he grew up with and who would know who Superman was because Clark never wore magical glasses that prevent you from identifying someone when he lived there.

Finally, the government knows that Lois knows who Superman is and they had him in their facility where we assume they have plenty of clear photos and videos of the guy. They also know the aliens went to his mom’s house in Kansas and he tells them he grew up in Kansas and how old he is. Someone flipping through the yearbook in Smallville is going to be able to find the guy. But hey, you know, glasses.

I found a part of the script from the movie that didn’t make the film.

Scene: Inside train station, Supes has just snapped Zod’s neck to prevent him from killing four innocent people with his heat vision.

Supes: Sorry Zod, couldn’t let you kill those four people, even though I didn’t want to kill you. Lives are precious.

Lois: Are you alright?

Supes: Yeah, killed Zod, feel bad but it wasn’t that hard.

Lois: I feel so bad for those thousands and thousands of people that died because you were fighting him in the city and destroying all those buildings.

Supe: Uh...what’s that?

S. Tran also writes at Cracked.com, Gunaxin.com and Uproxx.com