Column #6 - The 'New' Governors

All states should have to elect an actor as governor, now that 'Arnold the thespian' has excommunicated Gray Davis. If it's good enough for California, it must be good enough for the rest of the country -- that's U.S. not us. Jesse Ventura was governor of Minnesota for a while, but got out after his fifteen minutes of political fame expired, so there's a wistful nostalgia in the minds of many voters for a return to glory daze (and I do mean 'daze') of Jesse 'The Body'. Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor of California, Gray Davis was elected to retirement, and political pundits and late-night talk show hosts have been guaranteed months of fodder, at least until the inevitable recall efforts against Arnold are initiated. Next year should be a doozy politically, what with a sure-to-be-contested presidential election, Congressman and a whole wack of governors running for reelection.

This isn't the first time an actor, using the term in its loosest possible connotation, has been elected to political office. Ronald Reagan is considered by many (all of them Republicans, I assure you) to be the best modern president since the second Roosevelt, and he starred in Bed Time for Bonzo. Reagan not Roosevelt. He was also Governor of California for two terms. Ben Jones, Cooter from the Dukes of Hazard, yes he really was called "Cooter" on the show, was a Georgian Congressman, the state not the former Russian republic. I still have no idea what a "cooter" is, but I think there's a cream to treat it now. Sonny Bono was mayor of Palm Springs and a California Representative until his death. Clint Eastwood, having passed from genre actor to full-blown auteur served as mayor of Carmel, California. If your starting to notice a pattern, that's probably because of the fact that the largest industry in the state of California, outside of surfing, electricity deregulation, and growing medical marijuana, is the movie industry. So it makes sense that they might hire some actors.

For years there's been a suggestion that Alec Baldwin, the old and hairy one not the pretty one, wants to run for president. I don't know what his qualifications might be, aside from having been married to Kim Bassinger and naming his kid after a country in Britain, but maybe this means he's really up on the status of the European Union. Baldwin can mug for the camera, flirt with women like a Frenchman, and recruit his gaggle of brothers to do public service announcements about the dangers of face creams. They are the silent scourges...face creams, not the Baldwins. Only time will tell if more actors will take up public service rather than public service announcements. George Clooney for Surgeon General in 2008!

It's not the quality of the films that a man makes that determine his ability to govern; it's the willingness of the populace to forgive him for said films and the populace has been very forgiving of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Junior was a bastard-stepchild and the collateral damage for Collateral continues to mount, but it's Arnold's amnesty for Jingle All The Way that boggles the mind. If people are willing to let him slide for that disaster, balancing a budget is a piece of strudel. One mustn't question the electorate too much though, for they are fickle and when angered, like Gray Davis managed to do by pretending to be a Democrat sheep in Republican's clothing, their justice while not always just, is always swift.

I must admit to some reservations about the idea of actors as politicians. I'm certain many are smart, some certainly seem brilliant on stage and screen, but there's generally an "unpredictability factor" present in many performers, that someone like an accountant seems to lack. Being wild and unpredictable may be the current path to stardom, no one ever accused Colin Farrell of responsibility, but while it looks good at the box office, it absolutely kills you in the statehouse. And what's that old saying about "being better to burn out than fade away". All great performers remain that way by leaving an audience wanting more.

Schwarzenegger is going to find out that boring, old state politics lets all the foibles hang out, tarnishing human and inhuman patience reputations alike. Then again, this latest round of pre-election mudslinging made Schwarzenegger come off more Bill Clinton than George Bush, more Clarence Thomas than Judge Judy, more Gary Hart than Gary Carter. This didn't hurt the careers of Clinton or Thomas, though Gary Hart did lose his shot at the presidency. Schwarzenegger has the one thing going for him that no Republican before has - the Kennedy's. Now, a sex scandal to the Kennedy's is like embezzlement at Enron, par for the course. Still, it boggles the mind to see that during his victory speech, there was a row of the Democrat's most famous first family at his back cheering.

Then again, maybe the constant rejection and resiliency that a successful performer must endure make him or her ideally suited for the nonstop compromise of politics. Maybe someone dumb enough not to take the hint, is smart enough to do what's best. Maybe this makes the perfect candidate. Regardless of the odds stacked against them - - they will always come back for more. It's kind of inspiring in its own small way.
Jess Nakaska is an aspiring screenwriter always on the lookout for the next great script idea. He'll let you know if he finds it. Feel free to contact him at jessnakaska@hotmail.com.