Ink Blotting - The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Posted on Thursday, December 10, 2009 at 12:00 AM

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Do you like teenage vampires? Let's get away for the moment from the classical envisioning of vampires (these creatures drink blood and things happen to them in sunlight, for all intents and purposes they are vampires) and think about the whole aspect of teenage Vampires. If that is your thing - then you'll like New Moon. But then again, considering the length of time it's taken me to write this article, you've probably already seen it. You were probably in line 2 hours in advance, texting your bff next to you about how cute RobPat is and waiting to shriek with enthused glee at both Robpat's first appearance, and the shirtless scene with Jacob.

Is New Moon a "good" movie? By all intents and reviews - no. New Moon suffers too much from its hype, its lack of really well-driven plot and static characters and ambivalent actors. The change in director from Catherine Hardwick has done nothing to improve the quality of the film. And that's unfortunate. I'm certain Catherine Hardwick would have liked to continue on with the money making saga.

New Moon is the second in the series of four (now five) movies of the Twilight Saga. There is a reason that you don't find many quartets, and those you do find are not extremely well put together. The reason here is that New Moon doesn't stand on its own. There isn't enough conflict, and the conflict within it is so poorly resolved that where one plotline ends another is just beginning. There is no dire cliffhanger for New Moon waiting at the end for viewers to wait with baited breath for the forthcoming Eclipse. Note that I wrote "dire cliffhanger," as there is a cliffhanger of sorts. But nothing truly so portentous that it keeps the audience drilled to their seat cushion.

Back to my question at hand. Do you like teenage vampires? If the answer is no, and I don't doubt that it likely is a no, then don't go see this movie. It's not worth your time or your money as you will not be pleased with the special effects, find nothing satisfying in the plot or characterization and while Ashley Greene is EXTREMELY pleasing on the eyes, and the ears she's in the movie for only a total of 27 minutes, and that doesn't make much of a movie.

If you saw Twilight and some small part of you liked the experience then I recommend finding the time and inclination to see New Moon. The story picks up right where it left off and introduces further complications in the already complicated love life of Bella Swan. It's not an onerously lengthy movie (because they gauge, and quite correctly at that, that the attention span of tweens is shorter than all other age groups save two year olds).

Personally I despise what Stephanie Meyer has done with the mythology of vampires and the general lack of blood in the movies, but for the audience in attendance, I can't help but reconcile myself that "these aren't my generation's vampires anymore" and at least there's a new generation of people interested in "vampires" again. But she's no Anne Rice.

3.5 out of 4 for those that love teenage vampires who sparkle in the sun
1 out of 4 for pretty much everyone else.

Kyle Gould is a University of Calgary Graduate in English devoutly trying to make the 25,000 dollar piece of parchment not just a glorified ink blot. Currently it would serve better as a Rorschach test. Feel free to throw some ink his way at wkkgould@hotmail.com.